"The first duty of love - is to listen." Paul Tillich

It becomes very cold these days. winter was knocking at the door and window in the deep night. over the night, the cars were capped with silvery soft cotton. i never thought winter was coming so soon. as if i was expecting something to happen, i was shifting between two places. school and my little room. in those days, we are reading "Jacob's room" by Virginia Woolf in our school class. i think i like this female writer, who is bright in writing as my professor said. what a shame that i thought alike with her at this point. the wrinkles are climbing up my faces as i am fading fast in such dark places without any sunshine. it is the greatest wonder for a flower still survive in such dark pressed climate. every day i am suffering from the sever headache. when i did nothing, my head was very painful, while when i think about something seriously, then the pain disappears. it is very strange. there are so many strange things in life, actually in my life. people coming and going, like strangers. friendship betrays, love betrays, only one thing never change. that is changing itself.
i got up around 11 am this morning, had a pretty, big apple as my brunch. listening to the music of Michel Jackson, one of my favorite song "this is it" i could catch the lyrics sometimes. it felt so gentle, sorrowful but hopeful. i reviewed the ‘Jacob's room“ because it is really hard to gnaw. i need to read it twice to understand what happened in the story, in the room when Mrs. Florina and Jacob did something in the room... creak...creak...evil... at the same time i was gnawing the shinny apple. it was sweet , good for my health especially when eating in the morning. what a gold apple! i know what will happen today. nothing will happen as usual. i will eat something in the afternoon, maybe milk, while watching some dramas from the Internet. i am feeling so good now, as i am writing something, my headache would not bother me. i just could stay unthinking. but i could not think the same thing more than twice, otherwise my headache will kill me.

i do not need to prove anythinng to anyone ~~~

i need to become a great ignorer in life.
my life is a little different from what i want to become. but i am still living it in the right direction. whatever happened , i will not die at least.