"The first duty of love - is to listen." Paul Tillich

It becomes very cold these days. winter was knocking at the door and window in the deep night. over the night, the cars were capped with silvery soft cotton. i never thought winter was coming so soon. as if i was expecting something to happen, i was shifting between two places. school and my little room. in those days, we are reading "Jacob's room" by Virginia Woolf in our school class. i think i like this female writer, who is bright in writing as my professor said. what a shame that i thought alike with her at this point. the wrinkles are climbing up my faces as i am fading fast in such dark places without any sunshine. it is the greatest wonder for a flower still survive in such dark pressed climate. every day i am suffering from the sever headache. when i did nothing, my head was very painful, while when i think about something seriously, then the pain disappears. it is very strange. there are so many strange things in life, actually in my life. people coming and going, like strangers. friendship betrays, love betrays, only one thing never change. that is changing itself.
i got up around 11 am this morning, had a pretty, big apple as my brunch. listening to the music of Michel Jackson, one of my favorite song "this is it" i could catch the lyrics sometimes. it felt so gentle, sorrowful but hopeful. i reviewed the ‘Jacob's room“ because it is really hard to gnaw. i need to read it twice to understand what happened in the story, in the room when Mrs. Florina and Jacob did something in the room... creak...creak...evil... at the same time i was gnawing the shinny apple. it was sweet , good for my health especially when eating in the morning. what a gold apple! i know what will happen today. nothing will happen as usual. i will eat something in the afternoon, maybe milk, while watching some dramas from the Internet. i am feeling so good now, as i am writing something, my headache would not bother me. i just could stay unthinking. but i could not think the same thing more than twice, otherwise my headache will kill me.

i do not need to prove anythinng to anyone ~~~

i need to become a great ignorer in life.
my life is a little different from what i want to become. but i am still living it in the right direction. whatever happened , i will not die at least.

Who is wise? He that learns from everyone. Who is powerful? He that governs his passions. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.

Water Water Everywhere, No Drop For Me !
Today i went up to Seoul again for fulfilling the weekend with some friends. one of my friend wanted to go shopping for some clothes. we searched from Dongdyemen, to Yihua university and Mingdong but there is nothing my friend likes. although we tried very hard but it turned out to be a labour in vain. anyway we had a good time being together and we had pizza for lunch after a whole day's hard walking here and there. the cheeze pizza was so good after long time not eating, and i bought a kind of cloth bag in the end unexpectedly, which cost me 35000 yuan. i thought i bought too many bags in korea... more than 10 bags altogether. from now on i would stop to buy any kind of any bags.
the place would remind me of some one. the yihua university and mingdong made my heart jerk from time to time like a constant flush of current in the sea. the energy bar and chicken in mingdon was so touching and fresh as yesterday... i just wish i could grope into the past and have a cup of coffee on the table.
many people think i am carefree and very happy everyday, but behind my smile there was some hideous suspicion towards life. the suspicion is enlarging day by day shading a region once bright in the sunlight. as i am growing up i felt great betrayal by life in reality.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

SICKNESS
i was sleeping the whole day because of my headache and nauseous. i guess i had the wrong food for yesterday night. i woke up around 12 pm in the afternoon , then i went out to the mart for some food i threw away in the evening and i slept over the whole afternoon till 6 30 pm. i was feeling so sick that i could not stand up and move my head.
i just wasted my weekend like this. i still have a lot of homework to finish, yet i was so strengthless.
i hope tomorrow i will recover and refresh...
last week was so strenuously nervous time for me. presentation...

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music." - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

A Peaceful Weekends in My Life
this summer was almost nearing the end and i am enjoying a peaceful weekend with myself in this pleasant small room. the whole day i had two cups of ramian and surfed on the Internet. also i was preparing for a presentation for next Thursday, because there is an annual price negotiation in our company. hope it will go well. it is getting cold gradually, but i did not take any autumn's clothes and it has been a long time since i bought any clothes. i should do some shopping and get some warm clothes for myself. i cut my hair and it feels great with the smooth silky hair instead of the burnt straw hair. i bought a PMP for watching TV and listening to musics in the subway like most Korean people. the bad news about me is that my recent new cellphone fell into water unfortunately. now i am using a rented phone but the cellphone no. was the same as before. the rented phone was ugly. tomorrow i need to prepare for the school class and also the presentation. life is hard... for me

"He who love touches walks not in darkness." Plato

A New Test
i will be tested next week ...i need to work hard both on school study and the job .

Doing easily what others find is difficult is talent; doing what is impossible for talent is genius.

Those Two Days
i was busy in acquiring new knowledge concerning automobile in those days. because i do not have any Chinese books about auto so i need to search online here and there for my translation work. on Saturday i came to Seoul for the dinner job then i went to visit my former roommate. her home was on subway line 1 , it was nice cozy place and we had pizza for dinner . we talked back into the time when we lived in the same room and how lazy i was everyday staying in bed and doing nothing at all. we also talked about our recent shopping plans and the fashion trend nowadays. i bought a clothes yesterday which cost me 80000 Korean money, i love it very much although my roommate said it was too much money. we slept earlier than before because i became too sleepy to talk anymore when it was 12 am. but i thought she was turned and tossed in bed until very late. so this morning i woke up earlier and surfing on Internet while my roommate was in deep sleeping. today i would go to teach English in the evening and go back to Anshan office tel for work on Monday.
i am under pressure from work and a new semester's study at school. i do not know what will happen in the coming days... God bless me .
and i want to buy a PMP , a electronic for watching TV , movies and musics and also for playing games. because i want to know more about korea culture and speak good korean language. someone said my korean is not good, i was pissed off....