Reconnect with the purpose of your life

You may want to go into hiding today, but your need for seclusion won't likely last too long. Treat this urge with the respect it deserves, especially if you have been putting out a lot of energy into the social sphere. Don't confuse your current desire for inward contemplation with moodiness. There's nothing wrong with creating healthy boundaries so you can replenish your spirit.
I Wish I was A Fluttering Dust, But I am Not Fluttering , Only Shattering!
i planned to write my paper, but i changed my mind to go shopping all of sudden after stuck in dormitory until 3 pm without any food. sehua seemed to be a little bit moody and i chose to ignore the self bomber. cheerfully and vaguely knowing what i should buy, i walked swiftly to the bus stop, where i took 06 to the subway station. i still remembered how stumbled when i first came here 3 months ago, now i could find way to anywhere blindfolded. It has been a long time since i last went to mingdong with my other friends which was 2 months ago. mingdong was always alive with people, as my professor said, the subway station showed the peak of population density. LOL, yes, the crowded tin carried me to mingdong, another peak, where i was shuffling the rest of my day, like a lonely stupid person. shopping alone was really stupid. i was feeling silly and uncomfortable. it was boring at first but then i was enjoying the loneliness by eating delicious hot food and hanging around jolly like a free bird, flying here and there, chirping chirping with the canny,shallow sellers.
i barely bought a rainbow like scarf after so much hesitation and choosing and thinking. i always struggled before finally giving money to the seller's hands which meant no refund.
the regret always stabbed me like a sharp,desperate knife into my heart. sometimes i was ashamed to just go away after trying the clothes a long time. i was such a soft hearted person who would not like to disappoint the seller's hearts. i do not like to disappoint people when they are so eager about something. like the sellers, they are eager to sell things, how could i fail them after giving them hope.while the side effect was terrible and desperation. in return, i delighted them at the cost of my own continual flows of regret and self consolation afterwards. i think many other friends also experienced the same thing like mine. and the things i bought reluctantly would be deserted by me very soon, maybe after wearing once or twice, while some of them given up without wearing, wrinkled like rags in the closet. but i thought this time the scarf was quite delightful to my heart. just as i walked out of the shopping street, at the entrance of the subway station, i walked into the building and began another round of random searching. randomly, i caught sight of a coat and i just took it after some hesitation as a routine. this is one of the tactics for the buyers, even though u liked the thing a lot, u just pretended to dislike it for some flaws. i was playing the tactic every time and it worked somehow. but still the businessman is business fox, they always won but pretending to be sad. maybe they would be gaining less profits but never losing the capital in trade. i was afraid that if i had not buy it, they would probably abuse me or spank me. so for safe issue, i took the clothes and walked away like a nobody.
yes, i am such a nobody living in the world like a dust. but not the dust's freedom and calmness. so i am nothing.

Bone of My Bones , Flesh of My Flesh----Eve, a rib from adam'

Sacrificing The Late Morning Sleep, Saving A Cheerful and Meaningful Times
in great haste, i rushed out of dormitory , heading for the junk recycling place where surak and i agreed to meet this morning 8: 30. the morning air was cold while i was sweating from run along the road and through the tunnel. it was not far from our dormitory, despite of my sport less gene heritated from my ancestor, i made it at the right time , when just in two minutes , surak also arrived.and then we took bus to the Seoul station. we were relaxing from the intense morning running, sitting and talking all the way in the bus. a pleasant companion on my weekend gave me a great mood and before long we reached and searched and found the right building where the program of "the women federation for the world peace"---------coffee morning took place. the golden gate lifted us to the fourth floor and the hospital foreign friends welcomed us with their big smile. as surakche's plus, i got known many new friends and the party was started with a speech by an African woman named Janet. in this bright harmonious atmosphere, everything was organized in order and the guests invited were neatly sat ,listening to the enlightening and inspirational words about "marriage and family" from Janet , a very good speaker and a very good citizen and wife. "marriage and family ------a distinctive union", about relationships in marriage and family, which set a firm base for the happiness of my future marriage and family life. it was such a successful speech and a continual echos was made by the audience. they even actively took part in by giving some questions after the speech.
we took picture together and the lovely coffee morning break finally arrived afterwards and the tables had already been set by apple pies and we were even served with orange juice and coffee.
we happened to sit together with Janet , the speaker and i had a book with her personal sign on it, although it was illegible , yet i love my new book. i did enjoyed the pie and coffee and the whole hall was filled with happy laughter and talk. the party was ended up with hot dances, led by three cheerful leaders and all of us were flowing with the rhythm of music, what a jolly picture it was! i even had chance to speak french with a new friend who spoke and taught french. BON!
i had a quite happy time on this Saturday and i was very grateful of my friend who bothered to take me together with her. i would like to go again next time.

The best time I ever had with good devil was when I patted on his head in Whatever Happened to baby fly

the classes of this semester , at the end of november , almost come closed ,while the left should be completed by our papers for the drama and the criticism. i was composing the structures of my papers , but yet still far beyond the expectation. i used to extract from the internet but it seemed a little difficult for this time, as the students were only 5 people , which meant the professor would like to be a little more responsible in giving scores. and i would like to concentrate on papers for the credit next semester.
winter was mildly dropping by our intimate lives. the temperature would be steamed up after a gap of reunion. i had a good time with good devil , delicious food and happy chatting about the past times. the illumination in the secret closet , filled with a mixture air of desire and intimacy. a sleepless night made me quite puffy when sun rose again and clear the dark night away. it was a good and right to relax after long time's boring hard work and life.
a wonderful life need scheming in delicate detail and constant consciousness to your thinking and behaviour.
feeding the curiosity and freshness to life , walking down the road, through the path , there is always an invisible door open in slit, alluring u to peek in. a bold man would walk through the invisible door and check the inside world, a hidden heart.

life itself is the opposite of the metopher, looking into the mirror , u could see the real world by the virtual image.

when I was young I thought that money was the most important thing in life; now that I am old I know that it is

it has come the end of the november, without leaving much trace behind , i was waiting for the darkness covering all the secrets in the whole world. everyone has secrets and the myth kept them attractive to others who only wanted to know about him or her. i would rather less attractive and more transparent to others, for the risk was far beyond what i could bear. i wish everything would be ok with me and just giving me a peaceful life.
th milton, the satan and the almighty god, satan was struggling against god for his devil will , fighting against almighty god , knowing the result of failure, though fight to death. i was evil and helpless , i believe in almighty god, the difference was that i was against human beings, not almighty god. i am with him. god bless me! please please, i am in seriously dangerous trouble now. please help me! please! please! please!

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

what is the difference between rock and human being?

in the drama class , we continued to learn "yankee dawng u die" . as usual, one of our classmates were voluntarily cooperating with the professor , making the dull atmosphere lively and all the rest easier life. i did not read through any of the dramas, it made my final paper quite tough in the near future. i should squeeze sometime into reading the dramas deserted by me from the beginning. the professor seemed to be enjoying the class with us and i was pumping out a word once in a while and it was one word in a time, everytime all of them were laughing a lot, which made me feel quite confused. i had no idea what was so funny about my word... they just liked laughing a lot.
after class i went back to dorm and began my french class by myself. it has lasted for two days and i love learning complete new things and new people too. it was feeling fresh and exciting. my mother said there was no strangers , only friends u have not met yet. ^-^
"MERLIN " was a program attracting my attention and it gave me a feeling of reading harrypotter, in a magic world and mythical time.
the missing pieces were still there missing and i was trying to focus on writing the first chapter of my "crystal date"

A stumble may prevent a fall

it was spring weather when i went out for school. i am not sure whether it was abnormal for November temperature. on the other hand, i am sure it is abnormal, for the trees, grass and flowers are still bare regardless of the fake good weather. it is fake. but the nature would not be deceived by it. maybe it is the effect of global warming, or the broken ozen layer, anyway , girls were enjoying the pleasant warmth and wearing thin. i have been wanting to have a boots but still stumbling for the high price or the low quality. i am seeking 2 in 1, lowest price with highest quality and highly possibility if the manager fell in love with u. LOL
in the class we were still nibbling the LAND ETHIC, it was a good paper material for me to follow. during the class, the professor called my name and i was shocked by the sudden questioning, because i was absent minded at the moment and lost minded. i was thinking about a hot chocolate after class. ^-^
i did have many boxes of hot chocolate after school and it was especially delicious when heated. i was feeling energy through my whole body. and i think hot chocolate could help resisting against cold.

Let the others make statues of Apollo and Mercury and Hercules... You're the man I want to chisel

The Final Paper in Mind all the Time, While Trivial on Hand in Company.

with last week's dry cold days, at the end of the week, Saturday turned out to be mild. while like the weather in winter, some one's heart was turning from frozen to furiously mad , hot enough to melt the whole north pole. she was called out by ex boyfriend, who hurt her deeply and didn't contact her for 2 weeks. today he showed up and forced her lunch with him. a frozen heart was hard enough to detect against any sweet words. she was fed beef, but still a frozen heart to treat him. no matter how deeply she had been in love with him, the fact was cruel as the reality. as usual, the wrong beginning ended up with tragedy. game was over for them.
congratulations to sehua, being single and free to torture other thousands of men instead of this pitiful one.
i love killing times with delicious food and touching music, and i was glad to know it was not as hard as dating, i enjoyed my Saturday life all by myself . i was planning to set on hand with my papers this week and the final exam.

the prison

the lovely donkey

ihave fond memory of today, it was the best saddest friday of my life.
i got up before the alarm , cheerfully imagining the nearest exciting future. the sun was rising above the window and the sky was so high and blue with no cloud. looking into mirror i found the pretty makeup on my face was shinning , moitured by the sweat later, or maybe tears. sehua and i rushed to the appointed place which was the front gate of school. we were the first ones arriving there , finding no one at that time until 10 minutes later, coming one by one. feeling a little stupid for keeping the time to rush so out of breath, while others were just rambling along the morning fresh air. teacher came later and checked everyone in the namelist. i knew i was not on the list because i did not bother to apply for it. but i just like to change my mind . i chose to make their lives wonderful and come.

the teacher was showing more worried than surprised . as there may be no extra seat for the unapplied ones. but later the problem was to be sharpened by dropping me off the place where i was standing. it was not a bus, it was only a small van, hardly could take 10 people at most. the stubborn driver almost drove me mad and i was just left over all alone cruelly by the bastards. full of tears and hopelessly, i went away , trying not to look in the direction the van disappeared. but it was not the end of my expecting trip for today. one of the man in the van came out from the van and told me he would take me to the place by subway. the flame hope in my heart was fired up again, furiously. i said ok and we moved to the direction of MINSOK VILLIAGE. the pleasant chat made me cheerup again and before long we had been the place before the van arrived.
it was a village characteritic of ancient korea folk buildings including folk house and royal house, court, market, toilet, studying room and even prison. we met and i was more welcome than ever before. anyway i was cherishing this almost unreachable chance than anyone else and enjoy the mood than anyone else. it was lunch time when we arrived there so as planned, we went into a folk resturant and our teacher ordered traditional korean DOLSOD rice , which was also my taste.
we took a lot of pictures along the sites and i was feeling my grandmother's home long time ago. it resembled my grandmom's village. i could see her moving around the straw houses, when i was a little girl, passing every vacation at her home. i missed her a lot.
we also watched several impressive performances. the thundering applaud at the amazing shows covered over the low temperature and the cold wind , thus the weather did not affect our mood for enjoying for the whole afternnon.
our leader wrapped up the activity perfectly by buying us warm noodles before we set back for school. though it was a little earlier for supper but everyone just ate up every drop in the bowl.
after an hour and half , we finally went back to school and everyone was presented with a gift. it was towel, which was also in time for replacing my old one.
i think the tears at last turned into sweet smiles.

To love is to admire with the heart

i was feeling terrible with my stomach this morning when i woke up and if not overfed it should owe to the bad wether. our little room was still in the shadow of night, refusing to light up and so were we. zhanghen was off her semaster for 20 days break and we were in bed until 11 :30am, and i was so proud of being the first one get up in the morning. the early bird should be me and it is me who deserve the bird.

but the early bird skipped the class today , maybe because of the bad weather and thus my bad health, i was quite moody. the whole day i just had one apple and a cup of coffee. i went for the hospial for getting the health certification. my time clocked back to last friday when i went to the hospital twice one day. today, it cost me 1hour to go and come back to my room.

it was the mix of rain and snow, it could not wait to melt before landing on the soft soil and caressing my face gently, leaving me shy in the amphibolous air. i was breathlessly when my heart was beating fast. i was feeling the natureman. i am the rib from the natureman . he wants to hold me and take me and kiss me. i love him.

tomorrow we are going to suwen for visiting the folk museum for free. the bad news is that we must get up early enough to catch the 8 50 bus. i think i could make it , though it would be really hard to get out of the cozy zone. it deserves the less sleeping to go there? ayway i should take earlier bed tonight ...

i love venus and cupid than anything else
Thousands of ideas were flushing into my mind after being stuck in my subconscious, dream. everyday i was having the same food same talks and dealing with same people, which i was feeling great stress. i was having xinlamian for its hot soup helping me maintain the body temperature . in the hall there was voting activities which barely drew my attention, only bothered me somehow by the handsome boys' patient repeating words to anyone passing by. i just passed away those boring things which seemed to be commercial or religion persuaders.
the moment i went into the classroom, one of my classmates was saying there was a newspaper and my artical was published there. it was like last century that i presented them my writing. today, it came out and i was so happy with my little prize here in korea. but the most thing i cared about was the payment for the contribution of the article.
but the excitement did not go too long. my roommate did not seem quite happy with it. i do not know the reason but the situation was paiful. i could deal with love problems very skillfully but not in friendship. i do not believe in friendship, i believe in something but not friendship, which was like fake.
i am only close with few of my ancient childhood friends , the friends of presence was unworthy and boring, which would never last long. i wish i were alone forever only with my love.is there a planet for friendship in horoscope? like venus is for love, cupid is for love.

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

A BIG DAY 4 SWEEPING OUT the ones who FORGOT SEHUA'S BIRTHDAY!

I had a report for the drama class in the afternoon. the drama was "yankee dawg you die", which i never had time to finish reading completely. but i had to present the report. in spite of my unwillingness to get up out of my cozy warm, where i had been wrapped up whole night like a worm--------------a baby fly^0^. life need to be lived forward. after copying the report yesterday night hastely into usb so that i could print it out in school. the moment waking up in the morning symptoms in your body scientifically manifest the potential disease , which in my case, were shown in stomach and it was intensified when i overstuffed my belly the last night. an apple a day keeps the disease away. i always had an apple as breakfast. after a brief shower and a simple makeup, then i headed for the school, rolling my two already sour legs. it was resembling the winter in china , Korea where i imagined as warm winter. i was wearing thick against the bitterly cold winter wind. i think the position in our school was just in the gut of the wind so colder than in the city. i am in the outskirt of Seoul.

my hands were were numb to move any fingers to work on the keypad. clumsily, i printed the papers out and nailed them into 5 shares for distributing to my other classmates and professor. the hall was alive with students, and thinking about an apple for the class was too beyond enough so i got a "fist rice ball" and a cup instant noodles. seated, ate and read through the papers i cut from Internet randomly and put together illogically. anyway , a Hasty lunch and a hasty class. the earlier part of the class was proceeding with the left of last week"M butterfly". the professor kept asking us a question of message carried in the drama, which i took as a ordinary western married man , who was having love affair with a Chinese fake woman, who was actually a gay and pretended to be a woman, with whom the stupid western man was cheated for 20 years. In one word, the clever love, the stupid desire. oriental ism.

the class was ended with my barely finishing reading my paper. a relief, long breath , i was feeling like a huge burden taken off my weary shoulder.

the rest of my day was living for the big day of sehua, because today in 22 years ago, sehua broke out of her mom's womb and cried out into this crazy world.
they said on birthday , we should call our mom for her labor pain, but i do not agree with this point. mom bear ed us for 10 months and squeezed us out painfully. it was one of the greatest punishment from god for Eve's tasting the forbid en fruit. but the moment the baby was out, they were going to be tortured through the life for the original sin. what is Original sin? am i suffering from it? i could not choose the day i came into birth, but i would choose the day i die at my birthday so there was meet with my first day and last on earth.

we bought a birthday cake for sehua and some fresh vegetables and meat for siabe siabe, as the birthday feast. it was cold outside but for our friend, we were buying things enthusiastically. when we came back room with everything ready, sehua was waiting for us eagerly and cheerfully. she was too happy to close her mouth and we began to cook our dinner immediately. siabsiab was easy to prepare and delicious to eat. all that we need to do was to wash everything and put water into the container with special Chinese sauce and link the electricity.
before long, it was time to put things together into the bubbling water. it was a rich dinner and we were entertaining from eating tasty food and chatting and amusing each other. it lasted from 7 pm to 10 pm and the continuous laughter even attracted other friends over our room.

sehua had a wish for several seconds .....best wishes for her and hope to see her wish come true soon.

no one called her except her sister. she had boyfriends but it was important to know the time sweeping them out , it would be today, her birthday.

Obama, McCain Vow to Work Together
CHICAGO (Nov. 17) - No longer foes but not yet allies, President-elect Barack Obama and John McCain buried their bitter campaign in public smiles and searched for common ground in private on Monday, discussing possible collaboration on climate change, immigration, Guantanamo Bay and more.
The 40-minute session at Obama's transition headquarters, their first meeting since Nov. 4 when Obama handily defeated McCain, was just the latest effort by the president-elect to heal wounds from the long and bitter campaign and seek help from his former rivals. On Thursday, he quietly met here with Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, his toughest rival for the Democratic nomination and now a possible choice for secretary of state.
McCain's meeting with Obama was less furtive, and aides to both men said no Cabinet post is envisioned for the Arizona senator. Obama has said he plans to invite at least one Republican to join his Cabinet.
Like Clinton, McCain knows that returning to the 100-member Senate will impose limits and frustrations after the heady two years of the presidential campaign. For both, a friendly relationship with the new president might open new opportunities in Congress or elsewhere, though they exchanged harsh words with him not long ago.
For Obama, cordial ties to two of the nation's most famous and successful politicians might smooth the launch of an administration confronting an economic crisis and two wars.
Before Monday's meeting, Obama said he and McCain would talk about "how we can do some work together to fix up the country." He thanked McCain "for the outstanding service he's already rendered."
In a joint statement after the meeting, they vowed to work together to reform government and promote bipartisanship in Washington.
Meanwhile, Clinton, who returns to Congress as a fairly junior senator with no immediate prospects for a leadership post, appeared very much in the running for secretary of state. Transition officials said she and her husband, former President Bill Clinton, were cooperating with a vetting process, although there were other contenders for the job.
Bill Clinton's finances and business relationships could pose a conflict of interest for his wife if she became the nation's top diplomat. Since leaving the White House in 2001, he has amassed a multimillion-dollar fortune and built a large international foundation through his ties to corporations and foreign governments.
As for Obama and McCain, they expressed similar views on a number of issues during the campaign, such as the dangers of climate change and a need to ease U.S. dependence on fossil fuels.

Let the others make statues of Apollo and Mercury and Hercules... You're the man I want to chisel

An uneventful day! we were peeking the nature taking bath!

in my hometown the snow was coating the land with white silk, Seoul , it was raining outside when i woke up in the afternoon. it must have began to rain since last night, i really appreciated its silence. before doing anything , i started my day with typing keypad. because i had a preference of a paper translated for my friend and he would pay for it. the deadline was tomorrow evening but i just loved to have it completed in a time so that i was not nailed on this matter too long to do any other more interesting things. i was meaning to do it and i made it happen before sunset. feeling the burden was finally off my tiring shoulder, sehua and i agreed to hang out for some delicious food as the last dinner of today. the air was so chilly and fresh , when hailing in one breath of the clean air, i felt my head was cleared. the oxygen was so fresh and when digested by my body, i was energetic again after such a long time's stuck in the little hole. i intended to buy the most tasty bread in the world not far away ,but to my great sadness, it was all sold out or not made for today. maybe because tomorrow was Sunday, most Korean people would go to the church with the shops shut up. this is one of the main differences between china and Korea as far as i perceived. in china, except some big festivals, they never gave up one more day of making profits. instead of bread , i grabbed a strawberry jam for fun. i just wanted to eat it without any breathing. the long lines of cars in both sides were moving steadily and slowly in the gentle rain. whenever it was raining, i took it as the city was taking a natural bath, washing off the dust and dirtoff. the colorful umbrellas by the passers were decorating and under each umbrella , there was a moving soul, if there was two, they must be connected closely.

I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

Make it Happen
Dance to the music, flow to the wave of love tide. the sexy girl in the picture was the heroin in the latest hot movie"make it happen". this girl made it happen to realize her dream to a famous dancing school. influenced by her mother , she was born and grown into a good dancer. but her mother died of sickness and so did her father of heart attack. after losing parents, she live with her older brother. while his brother did not show any support to her dance future and after her failing first auditorian , she happened to dance in a club named "ruby", where she made new friends and found back her potential for dancing. during the time in the club, her brother condemned her for the lie of her successfully accepted by the school. sometimes it was painful to tell the truth, lie would be better and a good chance to tell the truth. the chance came later for this dancing girl and she finally convinced everyone by her flowing dancing sole.it was inspiring and encouraging. a girl did not give up her dream and just make it happen finally.
A Labour in Vain!i could have a rather comfortable day but" merry go round" gave me a busy friday. our school dormitory required us to hand in the healthy certification, which i left home, while all the other friends did not forget to take the little devil here.so i had to head for the hospital by myself and get it. after a blank morning i finall could move in the bus 7211. this was my first time by this bus and it took almost 20 minutes to the appointed place. by the road signs indexing the hospital, i reached there and stepped into , just at the flashing moment, a terrible thought came to my mind and my heart was sinking to the bottom of the cold pitch black sea. i forgot to take my ID CARD! it was a horrible thing happened to my recent life. regardless how i begged the lady in the acceptance desk, i had to head back for my dorm again, which meant more waste of time and money. i tried to cut my expenses but it just happeded to use the additional money in an totally unexpecting way.i dragged my heavy legs through the dusty , mixed air. i pulled myself up and folded back to the bus station immediately, with all my cards including key card. another half hour passed and in the same place i jumped off the bus which made me carsick this second time ride. i filled out a form and dealed by x ray, which bothered me to take off all my upper clothes, then injection and urine as usual test happened in china. i was told to get the sheet on next thursday.Completely exausted by the walking, searching, testing , riding in the stuffy bus, i arrived my little temporary home.I thought i had a very bad day and a even worse dinner with too much salt in the blend noodles. sometimes i just went through bad times , i t just went through without leaving the least trace behind. bad times were short.In the evening, together with my other two roommates , not satisfied with the tastless noodles, another one was just too stuffed with food, so we agreed to hang out and do something funny. it was chilly outside, the darkness was decorated with the lamp and running cars coming and going busily, politely. across the track , through the long alley, zhanghen bought a fried chicken and i bought two boxes of strawberry milks and jihyan was trying to make her full stomach flat by walking , talking and laughing.Guess where was sehua? i knew she was having dinner with professors and classmates, but it was wrong for a girl to be out so late. a ring came and it was said sehua was too drunken to come back. we were so worrying about sehua and ready to meet her after another her classmate sent her around here,or in front of our dorm. the place where they gathered must be a long distance from here since it took a long time to take sehua room. she was staggering and rumbling something, not clearly and with some mysterious materials on the forehead, which was seen as food out from her belly through throat. it smelled bad and appeared disgusting. tonight, i saw my daddy in sehua and she was even daddier. a drunk woman was more tacky than a man. she was singing loudly and shouting and torturing us life we were her boyfriend. my god, girl! a broken heart was drunk and it affected the brain defunction. she was still singing randomly out of tunes. where was the noise coming from? i just wanted to throw her out of the window. after 2 hours singing, she must pretended to be drunk. she was too afraid to wake up and come back to this cruel world. But it was wrong to solve problem by alchohol, which only intensify the situation.

There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love

I was shocked by sehua's one night experience with another man who was not her boy friend but only a normal friend. not even getting out of the torture from the exboyfriend, she was jumping into another one. it was good beginning before the one night man slept with her and not contact her untill now. they were close friends but now it was out of the circle of friendship but not lover zone. it was ambassard situation for both of them. everyday sehua was waiting for the playboy's message and call but the phone seemed to be broken or dumbstruck.
I think there is no suffering greater than what is caused by the doubts of those who want to believe. I know what torment this is, but I can only see it, in myself anyway, as a process by which faith is deepended. A faith that just accepts is a child's faith and all right for children, but eventually you have to grow religiously as every other way, though some never do. What people dont realize is how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is a cross. It is much harder to believe than not to believe. If you feel you can't believe, you must at least do this: keep an open mind. Keep it open toward faith, keep wanting it , keep asking for it, and leave the rest to God. Don't expect faith to clear everything up for you. Faith is trust, not certainty.

A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.

The day passed and never return, my first semester in Korea was almost done and we were about to write papers as a final examination. actually, two papers for two professors, one was criticism and the other was drama. i have little idea about the papers, a long period of focus of study would be needed for my smooth graduation in the near future.
In this golden season, the girls of golden age was taking fresh air out with hundreds of close friends. sehua was out dinner with friends and seemed to almost recover from bad mood. i was so glad to see her refresh again.
the unbearable love was coming to jihyan tonight, which drove her crazy. several calls from her mother's friend and father's friend in Korea, saying would like to visit jihyan , which were unbearably suffering and bothering. we would rather stay in our comfortable zone than have a awkward and uneasy dinner with our parents' friends. what a waste of time! of course jihyan declined and hung up the phone impatiently. this kind of rude behavior let me down a lot , the moment she hung up phone, i lost a chance to have a free dinner together.
But one door closed , the other opened. i had fried rice cooked by jihyan which were free and tasty. she cooked for us tonight and all of us enjoyed her outstanding culinary. in the rice was lots of nutrition like eggs and sauces and carrots. it looked good and tasted fantastically good! i wish she could cook for us everyday. i like to have daydream.

You know it's love when forever is not long enough.

Single and ready to mingle with some others!
1111 was a special day observed as single's day in korea(i am not sure wheather it is celebrated worldwide, but it seems to be also celebrated in china too in recent years) obviously it was for the singles but also for the ones who were popular around or famous or welcome too. those popular hot girls and boys, women and men ,would probably recieve a lot of biebierou, the more biebierou, the more popular.
unfortunately i received not even one while my friends got a lot from male friends especially. the stick chocolate busicuit was making me so jealous that i just comfort myself for hating the commercial business profitting from such festivals.
Sehua was in low mood for the unhappiness of the cold war between her boyfriend. while on the other hand, she was soothed from handsome friends as a sweet balm to the shattering heart, a save in time saves nine, her friends were appearing in the right time and tonight would be the night----alcohol, smoking and hundreds of close friends party and a chance for hooking up with some smart guys! When speaking of lost love,time may heal all wounds,but there will always be scars. best wishes for her and another lonely night.
i was a lonely girl, so what? Love is just a word until someone you meet gives it a proper meaning.




GUESS! WHOSE LEGS ?

It is a scale of proportions which makes the bad difficult and the good easy

The sticky rice with salt

Today i cooked some rice for breakfast(which was the virgine cook since i came korea), which would be enough left over for supper.
the rice was good before i cooked it. after the water and electric action to the pretty rice, the rice was tortured and became sticky and ugly inedible. if it was not due to the over water and not the quality of the rice, then it must be the very old dysfunctional electric rice box. something is better than nothing. i would like to respect my own labour and just put the sticky into my sticky mouth, which was too sticky to open without great decision. Anyway it was changed into energy and i took my afternoon class. not knowing what was happening to my friend sehua, i headed for my room and found out she was back and changing off clothes with the closet opened, dark shadowed face, dry lips moving faintly , trying to tell me what happened. i thought her unwise blind move to far far away as 5 hours train to reason with the man or the last struggle to save her breaking love as stupidness. what was worse, she almost committed suicide desperately. her hand was bound with bandage and it was difficult for her to remove clothes. the bag and sleeves were all dyed with bloody carlet blood.

oh, how fiercely she was in love! such things could never happen to me, i am such a girl who never took love as pain. i would never love one who would do things not caring about who he was hurting. someone was worth to be loved, while others not worthwhile.
i hope sehua would recover from the hurt mentally and physically as soon as possible and i guess the best way to recover was to find another solemate, to soothe her bleeding heart.

i would rather be ignored than to be tortured ^-^

Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it

The beginning of the end

God took a nap after 6 days creating everything in the universe and we kept unconcisous on sundays after creating rubish and nothing!
habits seemed to be contagious and we all enjoyed sunday by sleeping until 3 pm! i was so sad to find out the time was so late the moment i opened my eyes, yet still sleepy... at the beginning of the end, i tried my best to make up the lost time and began the first step with talking timelessly with my friends, food, fashion, man are all perfect themes for the mouth and soul exercise. it was hard to make chick to shut up. we just liked talking and gossiping about everything.realizing that i was hanging around with an empty stomach, i had some instant noodles for survival. it was lucky for me to have noodles and a pan for cooking it.
if the earth stops spinning around the sun for a moment, i would be very happy to relive my sunday. what is done cannot be undone, i sat in front of the computer, trying to read books at the same time. computer won, and book was out. chatting happily with my friends until it came to my father! i lost all appetite to chat anymore after a boring, impatient talk with my parents. there was nothing to talk about everyday with them. i love and honor them but not in this way. it was wise for me to stop chatting before i lost too much temper!

another boring and peaceful sunday was broken by someone's desperating tears! i could not stop appreciating my own good temper after hearing the horrible quarrel between sehua and her stupid boyfriend. i was so talktive sometimes but not very much under this tearful situation. what shoud i say to comfort this little pitiful soul? she seemed to be tortured a lot by the man on the phone. the girls really have the potential of screaming. she was screaming and crying and repeating the same sentence which was"how come u treat me like this!"
i could draw a concise guess from their quarrel that her boy was not nice. maybe they were both tortured from not meeting each other for 2 weeks. the man was so mean as a man. was it worthwhile to put too much affection to this man? i was acting and speaking like a comforting angel by patting the poor creature in bed, pillow was soaked by tears and eyes were red and swelled up. after the serious fighting over the phone, she decided to go to find the man who hang up the phone furiously, which was so so unforgivable and impolite in my point of view! oh, my god, was love being together stupid? should love be painful?
in the evening jihyan and i went out for shopping, and i was thinking to buy some rice and oil for cooking.
on the road, we caught eye with chicken car, and we bought 2 chickens at 9000yuan, with little control. in the supermarket, i bought the rice at 12000yuan and oil 10000yuan. i was beginning to cut short my expenses and save some money for long term.
the chicken was so delicious and we were having a great night with the chicken and chatting. around 11 pm sehua texted me that she would arrive at weishan at 1 am . i was so worried about her safety and everything. sizzle or fizzle? let's see tomorrow's sehua came back!

Championship and The New Rising Star
A Ray of Sunshine was Penetrating Through the Curtain and .....
the sports game event finally arrived with my great expectation. i was the most excited one though i was only an spectator without taking part in any items. zhanghen was playing ping pong and jihyan was playing volleyball. it started at 1 pm in the gymnasium and our teacher handed out us the white uniform for this game. such kind of sports game was held once a year , both foreign and Korean students would be involved. after a short conventional talk , which was a formality, the game began as soon as we were sat on our seats. girls and boys were all cheerful and energetic for cheering up the first game----basketball , china vs Korea. but it seemed to be a subtle difference between them and me. i was mentally excited but physically suffering from serious starving. my stomach was grumbling and my eyes were dazzling and minds were spinning. i kept complaining to my friends how hungry i was , drawing pitiful attention from them. they were so absorbed in the game . vainly, i gave up mumbling and watching games. the basketball was very fierce and after serious fouls by Korea yet still china won. the funniest part was the Chinese cheers, who were so partial to our part and driving Korean students crazy by laughing at and laughing with, which i though as a little low...LOL. At the same time the ping pong competition was going on in the corner. we were viewing how zhanghen was skillful and glorious on the stadium. after several rounds of competition, she was on the way to championship and she won it at last.
we were all so proud of her and she was showing the biggest satisfying smile. the games were carrying on smoothly and orderly one by one, basketball, ping pong, volleyball... the winner took all, volleyball winner also went to the Chinese team. we were so proud of the teamwork and high spirits, which led our part finally won. besides all those games, it came along with the most impressive game named BARRIER RUNNING. in this game, the competitors were required to run over several barriers after a merry-spinning , wearing duck feet shoes then bearing a girl on back, running over a high barrier. many girls had to step on the boys' back when run over the last big barrier, but still some failed after stamping the poor boys' back cruelly for more than 20 times. they were struggling and fighting against all the barriers. and the games were ended successfully with a splendid and shinning campus singers' beautiful pop songs. we encouraged our roommate jihyan to sing a song and she did it perfectly by gaining the admiration and appreciation from all audience under the stage. she was like a bright star rising from the far horizon. her even danced to the music and we were all heated up by her energy and hot dance. i almost forgot my whole day diet after so many hours of wonderful shows by the lovely friends.
the time for dinner came around 7 pm and we had a big feast all together.

a whole days starvation finally paid the price with such delicious food, i had never been so hungry in my life and never so satisfied either.

zone

out of my cozy zone, i got some unexpected surprise
one just likes to stay in his own comfortable zone. in my zone, i am the queen. Friday is free day! but i was feeling the end of the beginning of the free day when i said to visit a friend carelessly. i was thinking about staying in bed for the whole day like a lazy, lovely panda,eating some bamboos, but i had to get up and head for the friend who my subconscious hesitated . it is strange to act against ur thinking. so self judged by myself, i am a strange person in a strange zone. does the queen always want to control the situation? fortunately , it was not so bad as i imagined. we talked and laughed for the whole time until we had to say goodbye, when the sunset.
And the English publish surprised me after a period of gap. i received a call and told my article written was not bad but need cutting short and they required me to send photos separate from the articles. i never expected their response but it always happens and never happens when i was eager for something. so it is wiser to wait quietly instead of restless worrying about.
I treated myself with some vegetables and instant noodles. no sauce , only bland noodles and vegetables, for my blind stomach. sehua came back and she had the same food as mine, which was instant noodles but with some sauces like piper powder. we were going to spend the evening time like lovely pandas rolling in beds.
i was feeling that my life was like the noodles, no sauce at all.
SPORTS GAME and BARBEcue in THE EVENING for This Saturday!
i was looking forward to attending tomorrow's sports game. i was not a sportsman but a good cheerleader. my roommate zhanghen was competing on ping pong against Korea. she was a energetic and versatile girl who even could play ping pong! jihyan and i were thinking about some cheering words for zhanghen and i advised to call her name.
it was said there would be a big Barbecue party after the event, which was my favorite part. zhanghen was too excited to do anything but stay and imagine her championship, how glorious the medal would be! best wishes for her and a tight sleep for me!

lonely girl came back to the cozy zone again

Life and Time For the lonely girl !
i sold my sole to devil and lingered back desperately. day was broken but still remaining the dark nighters' breaths in the air above the vague and quiet city. the light and the mood was nearly resembling evening , especially for me who was so depressed to see time was passing impatiently and hastily. the chill was into my bone, and i shivered and threatened by the departure moment. personally and publically appreciated, i am a girl of sheer kindness, completely good nature and lovely simple inside and outside, always glad to welcome and sad to say goodbye. time and life was against each other.life was passing by with great times and bad times. no matter how desperately we want the good moment waited for the life itself. it was natural and hopelessly truth. while the truth was standing against the restless time forever.
i was seeing off my friend and went back dorm like a person in a dream, not quite aware of the minutes around me. a little awkward when passing by the keeper uncle, and again the fact approved the truth that when it could go wrong , it would. i was stopped by the uncle and it was a mistake done by the uncle. i was misrecognized by him as another person. relieving the tension and i walked inconfidently into my dormitory. as was known to me , my other roommates were keeping human habit of sleeping late. i was too carefull to breathe , while the truth was too much carefullness , too much loudness. all i could do was covering up my own pair of ears , closing my eyes and praying for the peace and quiet and not awakening their sound sleep. one of them moved slightly but began to snore again. it would be a long time before i could recover from the depature sadness, tearfully i threw myself into bed, tears were rolling down hopelessly , wettening my pillow and i could not believe i was such a affectionate animal. the lonely girl was sleeping in pillow drenched with salty tears and hoping to forget the heartbroken moments.
and the gift of forgetness to human being worked quite well on lonely girl. a forgetting sleep was followed with a free girl , busy preparing for the text in the afternoon class. still lonely yet free.
the school time was good for me , when i could study for at least 1 hour and 20 hours without eating or sleeping or chatting, which was definately the case when i was in my dorm.
after the last class of this week, i headed for my comfortable zone lightly heartedly.

Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward

celebration for the professor's absence by a pizzar party

There was nothing more cozy like studying abroad , for me, not a morning person. life was full of mystery and i was searching for the right path in this continuing maze. along the farmiliar road, across the path, up the stairs , i was depositing myself in the classroo, after a brief brunch with kimbob. life was showing us signs of some mishappens if u think it was a hint. i lost one of my tooth and i thougt it unlucky. did it really bring me misery? i was deep in thought while i was walking into the lift. i was so abosorbed in my lost tooth that i forgot to push the button of 9th floor which would be a normal mistake in daily times. but the normal things were thought as big trouble when there was already a sign of mishappens , like broken tooth. i was blaming myself and waggling out the lift on the 5th floor before it was going down on the first floor. there i changed into another lift upwards. i took it as the beginning of my bad luck. not knowing what would happen to my left times of this day, i walked into the classroom. everyone was talking and laughing , waiting for the professor's showing up. time was ticking , time was ticking, someone was ringing and it was professor who was calling to cancell today's class. a bluemoon must be hung on the starry night. there were someone happy while others complainning for the late information. i was always on the optimistic community and clapping hands cheerfully, thinking about going back to dormitory for merorising some french volcabulary.
the class was dismissed and a pizza party was thrown by one of them.
i was so glad to celebrate the unexpected breakoff for today , together with my classmates. the idea of bad luck was almost put behind of my mind until the last chicken swing which was my favorite was taken away by another classmate. oh, mishappens happened while my tooth was still broken and missing.

when i was yong, i was suffering from terrible toothache like most of the children experienced in their times. toothache was not a disease but it was killing. the most horrible thing for me was to visit dentist. my screaming and struggling against the dentist's scary injection was famous all around my hometown. i was a screamer.

but after the tooth was distracted, i always liked to lick the missing place with my tougne. though i have grown up and all of my baby teeth was changed into new ones and no distraction anymore, yet the feeling of licking the missing place was still fresh.



without you, i was feeling the missing teeth, empty and hollow inside.

A man admires a woman not for what she says, but what she listens to.

i was celebrating my new weekend by sleeping late on monday morning. as it was a celebration ,something must be different from others, a sleep late championship was awarded to me for special on this fresh monday morning. all my roommates had already been invisible when i was still in my dream.
the best way to realize ur dream is to wake up. i got up and would like to fulfill my potential.

if there is after life

i was awakened up by the call from my cousin in china this sunday morning. i must have heard impatient and annoyed to her , which i regret a lot. i got up after the call and washed up and tried to do some meaningfull things for myself on such a sunny clear sunday morning, but failed in my desperation. i did some study at first until i was too starving to think reasonably. sehua and i went upstairs and she cooked some soup and instant noodles for me, while i was standing by her and bringing her great pleasure by just standing there,LOL. in a winkling moment, a full pot of noodles and a full pot of soup were put on the table side by side and in a winkling moment, it was empty.
we had a very satisfying breakfast lunch. i was fully enjoying it.
the whole afternoon, my mind was spinning around and around ,which drove me to fall into sound sleep, maybe the graviation should be responsible for that.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday

FLY TO THE MOON

If We Can Fly to The Moon

will we find the eyes that see
inside all human tragedy
will our minds learn how to hold
the sights and sounds that take control
will we find the answers near the reasons
and the ways to cope
will we find the steps to walk
toward a path of hope will we join our praying hands
still struggling to understand
will our minds create a place
that celebrates the human race
will we lift our voices clear
transcending all our deepest fears
will we move beyond them all
to live our visions here
will we find our innocence
inside the pain of past events
will our minds learn how to solve
the problems as our world evolves
will we find the beauty of
the rising and the setting sun
will we count our blessings for
this new life just begun if we can fly to the moon
if we can cry when life is cruel
if we can carry, carry on
then every light will survive
and every heart will soar and rise
upon the future
of all that we love