pc problem solved

over a weekend and a Monday, my notebook came back on Tuesday, with a complete new reset window system. i could watch movie and chat as before. the 2 days without PC was so long for me , i just put faith on the books and it was not bad. while when i had computer, all of sudden i lost mind in doing with it. i was lost.
when lost, a little light would be very delightful, i caught up with an actually very lame TV programme. "the constant law of love", which was about stalking his or her lover for not trusting their loyalty. i thought it as the most stupid programme i had ever seen. what is the point?

"Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart ... filled it,

with quite high expectation i was passing this globally celebrated festival with my classmates. they were so nice to hook up with me and take me out for a good Korean meal. the kindness and treatment from them filled me with a warmth of spring in such cold winter. despite of the frozen, the whole land was heated up by the flow of celebration.
the traffic was more junk than the usual times and i was suffering from terrible car sick. after 20 minutes way but 1 hour driving, we finally arrived at a bar for more joy after the tasty supper. i could not drink but i did enjoy the atmosphere with my humorous classmates and the pleasant place gave me a relaxed mind which had suffered from the shadow of reality.
i was also a good listener, from time to time bursting out of laugh for their funny jokes. but when it came to the topics of cars and unknown to me, i was becoming sleepy and bored and kept yawning, and they tried to put their finger into my sleepy yawning mouth, several times i even failed to yawn , for the guilty of impolite, and the interrupted yawn was swallowed down forcefully, which was quite helpless. anyway my curiosity was triggered again afterwards by going to another place called"live" where there was a guy in front of the hall singing with the guitar. the singer was smart and the flow of music was so pleasant to the ears in the front. it was my first time to come such kind of cafe shop in Korea. we could name any song, and the smart boy could sing for us almost whatever we wished to hear. but if it was Chinese song, he would be blushed.LOL my friends even wanted me to sing a Chinese song in front of the public, i declined their request, for i was not a public person and i was not a good singer either nor dancer. i was fearing that the guests would be fleeing away as soon as i showed them my angel's voice. anyone left should call the heaven and ask if one angel was missing? and i was sure it was me who was the angel flying so low on Christmas eve.
i went back to my dormitory before 12 o'clock reluctantly. it was short eve party but for me it was worth life time to remember.
at least i was not alone while all others were hanging outside. i was not alone in Korea.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'm

the eating machine

i have never seen a girl who could eat like a titanic horse. she was my roommate who i was so proud of. zhanghen was a tall healthy girl with a big appetite. once she had puked after eating too much food in the night. the bad circulation of diet and gluttony made her even fatter recently. she was plump and she liked eating on the way to everywhere. eating was one of her great hobby. unfortunately , today she was informed of her not being accepted by the graduate school in education department. she was very sad and almost crying , big tears were rolling down her red cheeks, following with a violent storm. did you call the heaven asking if one angel was missing? it was me. and i am the comforting angel flying so low you have ever seen. soothing her by walking her in the small market, stuffing her stomach with food. it was very effective and she was recovering soon after the food. she was invincible unless without food. she shouldapply for the food department instead of education. she was never a good student. every morning she should go to school at 9 am, but i was frequently seeing her still in bed at my up time when was almost 1pm. she always skipped the classes, after so many rounds of regret and misdeed again and again, she was still that happy and having a good appetite. that is why she was having a heavy weight while i was so light. she knows how to keep good mood thus for her health.

a saturday in holiday

i was living my life without the limit of times and space. i could sleep until i was tired of sleeping, but after 20 hours sleep i was still feeling about sleeping. i was doubting my humanity. hyberation is in the need of my every cell in my 167 cm whole body. i was feeling my flesh and body was swelling and oily after timeless sleep.
most of times i was sleeping after eating. eating was tiresome. sleeping was droopy. maybe the several days' drewn along the subway made me so tired that i was still not recovering. time would heal the wounds.
while i am lazy my other roommates were so busy around the cold air. it was warm inside because their swifting thoughts and movements. sehua was dating out tonight and zhanghen was moving out to other rooms, which meant i was going to be alone in my room tonight. i had no one to talk to. from yesterday i kept talking and talking... now i could be silent for a while. even in my hyberation, i was keeping talking in the endless tiring dream. i am obviously in nerve. why? what was the reason for my ceaseless unsettlement of heart and mind.
i need a tomb.

This painting speaks to me; I have no idea what it's saying but it speaks to me.

The Big Welcome Feast for My First Winter Vacation in Korea

The only thing I can't stand is discomfort.

Who should i thank and who to blame? it is the circulation of my own short thought, a slip in my mind wretched both physically and mentally, which was so frustrating.
my big project for saving some money from the winter dorm charge, moving out and inhabiting in the most shabby house i had ever seen in my life. dragging a very heavy luggage and transferring through several subways were not easy for a person like me. i am not strong enough to bear all the burden on my shoulder all by myself. while a save in the wrong time wasted nine or more invisibly. i hurt a lot from this transferring. i wish i had no relatives who bothered me in all kinds of ways. it was more helpless than just bothering. it was so disappointing to live in a home with no equipment of anything but a shabby TV and a bed. no showering room and no Internet, so it was a hopelessly useless space. despite of my ants unexpected and unpleasant reaction, i just moved out of the room after a night's miserable time in that miserable room, which was cold and wet and smelly. it was so smelly...i was having serious headache from the unbearably strange smell webbing in the old air. like a corpse was buried in this dark room even the sun was high above outside. the room was still that ghostly vague and dark.
i never thought my saving money project was so over and i had to drag my heavy body again back to the dormitory. though i was completely exhausted from moving and thinking about the trifles, the thought of coming back to the old dorm again gave me strength and helped me to move on.
i never expected the evening party was a farewell to my dorm life too , until then i realized my life was so simple after all the torture. while simple was the key. simple and clear mind were the base of my right move. i moved to the wrong direction. instead of saving any money, i wasted physically and financially. '
suddenly a sentence came to my mind, think before act is rethink, act before think is reaction. i should use my instinct but not the stupid reaction.
i am feeling rebirth, it was a new life for me to settle down in my old room and with my old friend together again. this was the way life going, after all the struggling, we came back to the original point in track. the track for me was set,i need to follow the rest track.

farewell party to our lovely professor

A Party In The Evening
i slept away my half day helplessly in bed, regardless of my struggling more than 5 times to get up. when i woke up and washed up, it was already 4 pm, jihyan, one of my roommate was checking out the room and ready for home. she had a very very titanic luggage to store in the dormitory and another large one to take home. every girl has a very tremendous luggage for the girly stuff, the bigger, the more girly she would be. so i do not think i am one of their circle, for my baggage was not that amazingly big. it was just a small one,holding my whole fortunate. i am simple and i am trying to be more simple. so i can run without any burden.
after seeing jihyan off into the taxi, i hurried off to the appointed place, but i was still late. i explained to my dear professor and other two classmates and asking for their forgiveness and they were very kind and inviting me hospitably into the four people party altogether. the table was set with raw sliced fish. i love it. we enjoyed our precious gathering time, talking and laughing. the professor was very smart and democratic, later i also knew him as a very versatile , intelligent person. he sang like a very talented singer. he behaved properly but not stubborn. he drunk , but not really drunken. he smoke without puffing. because i was so absorbed in his way of talking and it was really impressive. after dinner we went straight to the Hoff bar for some ramdom beers. the cheese was so good. "rise like the sun" which was my professor's motto, how enlightening it was! nothing could beat us, we could rise like the brilliant morning sun. the topics were going between life, literature, history and policy. i was feeling very embarrassed of my poor knowledge of the history home and abroad. so i planned to focus on history this vacation, hopefully next time when talking about history, i could be less dumb but more active and intelligent.
we continued to change the place and as the last programme, we moved to sing. i was so so impressed by the professor's amazingly attractive voice. my gosh, he was a talented singer and professor. he was one of the most lovely person i had known so far. his "my way ", an English song was so perfect, the pronunciation was so perfect.
this party was more like a farewell party to our professor, because he was heading for America very soon and coming back in one year. best wishes for him in another new atmosphere.

packing up and gluttony gril

i was busy packing up while my roommate throwing up !

Zhang hen ate too much with me when we were hanging outside, i only had one toast, one cup of noodles and three ice creams, while she had a little more than me. she said the cookies were untasted but she kept eating up everything at hand. i should have prevented her from eating that much but she just liked overeating helplessly. i used to overdo everything but with my growing up, i chose to be under do, in which way i protected myself from getting hurt.
i kept low attitude toward everything, everyone. but still sometimes i went too much emotionally. it hurt.

i am lucky to be alive

two back in the morning , one out in the early morning, so before i opened my eyes and cleared my minds, the room was almost empty but the stuffy air which could suffocate me no matter how brilliant the morning sunshine was out of the window. counting down the 3 more days left for us roomgirls staying together, they were all so busy around. despite all of this, i need to pack my package and roll out from this room and board in somewhere else. fortunately, i do not have too much stuff for packing up, which saved me a lot of breath. only one luggage would be enough space for the girl' stuff for one like me. some books and some clothes and so on.

I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.

i finished my last paper today, but still wanted one more finishing touch. maybe tomorrow the idea will come up. this semester was almost done and everyone was planning about their wonderful long winter vacation. it would last 2 months until next march. the long vacation is the only one i am satisfied with the Korea education system so far. the school was just so so, the friends were just so so, the professors were just so so, everything was just so so. honestly, i do not care much about this kind of school who accepted me as a graduate student. the education made me like a robot, That's the reason they're called lessons ... because they lessen from day to day. i thought i would be feeling light when i finished the papers, but when i did that, it was not as exciting as i expected. the reality was just as dry and frozen as the fallen leaf in the snow. yet the days ahead should be full of expectations to me. the problem is that my future would not what it used to be. i lay on bed, watching TV, eating any food at hand and all that i needed to do was breathing and enjoying my comfortable life at home. but this time it would be very much different in the ways i pass my vacation. it would be tiring but hopefully it would be meaningful both in mind and economy. when i was young i thought money was important , now i am growing old, and i know it is.

"Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood."

i am almost fainting from the big treat of reality


The road was sobbing and i was melting

with the sorrow snow

today is a melting day. after a faint snow yesterday, it was melting here and there on the road. i had brunch myself on my way to dorm. it tasted bland because it was a lonely meal. my heart was melting along with the snow. exactly, it was sobbing sadly. the road was sobbing for my miserable life. the snow angel came down for my unfair treatment from the superior highly above me. i am unhappy, so very unhappy. i am unhappy because the love around me, the love in the hearts of those i cared for most, was beginning to shrivel and wither away. and this, in turn, made my own heart begin to grow in order to make up for the love that was disappearing around me. and the more the love in the hearts of those around me shriveled up, the bigger my own heart grew in order to make up for the growing emptiness that i now began to feel. so the love kept withering away and my heart kept growing bigger. until one day there was so little love around me and my own heart so big-------it burst into a thousand red petals that filled the sky and fell slowly, so very slowly, to the earth. and the people, my friends, the ones who had withheld their love, began to swallow the petals, these remains of the man's glorious heart as they fell from the sky. hungrily, they fed. greedily they swallowed. they pushed and shoved each other, gorging themselves on these petals because they felt then, they too, would become like me....lonely, unhappy...
Faintly, i went to the school for my paper, i met the professor after hanging outside waiting for his class over. he was a interesting person, like a man walking in the dream , closing the eyes waiting for the elevator. somehow my appearance shocked him from his daily dream. smelling broadly, he asked about my life politely and i answered him more politely. and he was very surprised for my quite early paper for others were still not done. anyway he was delightfully accepting my paper for him and taking my cellphone no. he said he would introduce some part time job, but i never expect highly from him. because i know he was just being polite.
my life sucks, because i still have one more paper to finish. i hate my life .

There is no evil angel but Love." William Shakespeare

stalker

following around someone was a tough job , both in phisical and mental. but spirit should be admired, yet it was the most stupid thing i have ever did in my life. selfly and publically admitted that i was a very selfish and wilful person. personally i thought i was a naive and ignorant angel. there was no evil angel but love. i thought i was an evil angel and a potential stalker.
sometimes i did something not knowing the reason. sometimes i went for somewhere but it turned out to be no where in the end. why did i do that? why did i humuliate myself in such a starving and frozen way?
what am i following around and where am i heading for? how long can i go and what was the price for this long trip? actually it cost me 4000 yuan today. my mind was racing when the subway was running, looking out the window, it was presented a frisky mild winter seoul. it was snowing but still it was a mild winter for me , a girl who had lived in a much more frozen place in changchun, china. a place of life time memory.
when something was passing very fast, it was hard to see clearly what was it, i could not see what was racing in my mind. it was feeling like an upset mouse eager for gnawing something for relief, but what was worse , i am the most unlucky person in the world who did not even know what should i do , because i was not a mouse , i never gnaw, that is the problem. i eat.
i do not need food, i need love.

May no gift be too small to give, nor too simple to receive, which is wrapped in thoughtfulness and tied with love." L.O. Baird

i wrote my paper and titled it as "the glambition" , my professor told us to write a connected paper not scattered one. he meant there should be a theme to link all the context together. "the wind in the willows" there were many themes presented by kenneth. friendship, home, adventure are the three main themes. but the paper should be at least 7 pages. but when i tried to focus on one of the themes, it was impossible for me to write more than 2 pages. but we could not write all the three themes together, which our professor said no. so i borrowed the word "glambition", which was a new word, means a self worth. i took it as self worth and the gleaming ambition. i think everything has a glambition and the universe has a glambition. that is the reason why the world go around. and it was driven by the energy of a lot of things. friendship should be one of the energy. that was the main stream of my paper. i want to give it to my professor on the coming monday and glean some gem.

if gravity should not be responsible falling in love, then should it be the reason for the sudden temperature? it is sudden so nothing with gravity, because gravity is always there. the season was shifting into deep winter, should control and shift go together? then what should i control? or what can i control? i would rather let it shift instead of being in control or in the control, neither was good climate. all of my roommates were shuffling out of room despite of the frozening to grab some hot hot stuff for a little warm. hot and cold. in and out.

paper is tough

finally i could spare a little time to write what i like by shortening the sleeping time, though it was already very Early in the next morning. i am not sure whether the keypad of my computer was strong enough to be typed by my everyday continuous 5 or 6 hours since the early of this week. so it has lasted for 4 days since i began writing my final paper. it was so so so so so so so suffering ! if the work is due to be done, than it had been a tough job no matter what it was like. anyway, after 4 days struggling with the tough paper, tonight , at the cost of my watching movie, chatting with friends, eating and aching back and waist, i almost finished it. it was really really not nice to me.

i was too tired to do anything right now, so i will wash and sleep. ^^

review of November 2008

November 2008

Venus, the astrological symbol of love, makes two visits to your ruling planet Uranus this month. These can bring a new romance to life or stir changes in an ongoing relationship around November 3 and November 28. The first one involves a challenging 90-degree square that is likely to incite a sudden change of heart. Whether it's an instant attraction or unexpected urge to break away from someone, you may be tempted to act impulsively. Sometimes this works out fine, but there is a risk that reckless behavior will lead to trouble. If you feel yourself going out on an emotional edge in either an optimistic or pessimistic direction, it's wise to slow down, take a deep breath and think about what you're doing before making any sudden moves.
The alignment between sweet Venus and inventive Uranus is more comfortable on November 28 as they align in a harmonious 60-degree angle that makes it easier to bring something fresh into your personal life without rocking the boat. Whether it's spicing up your current relationship or getting excitement from an unexpected source, you should have fun. This is also a chance to brighten up your attitude, social routine or appearance to make your life feel more special. Friends and colleagues can play a positive role in the pursuit of romance when passionate Mars enters your 11th House of Groups on November 16. Getting involved in teams and organizations are excellent ways to meet someone new. The Sun's entry into this house on November 21 reinforces your chances for fun by participating in group activities.